Category: Neither Here Nor There


Fear and Loathing in the Sky—and Why You Should Marry the Girl in the Middle Seat

I have a confession to make. I don’t like to fly. I love going places. It’s just the getting there I’m not that fond of.

That might seem like a strange admission for a travel writer—but then again, maybe not. I mean, the more often you’re required to shoehorn yourself into a seat that wouldn’t comfortably accommodate a malnourished hamster, the less likely you are to look forward to it. If I actually enjoyed crumpling my body into a defeated wad of human origami, I’d take yoga, and at least I’d have the skull-cracking thighs and six-pack abs to show for it.

You’re not even awarded the privilege of painful bodily contortion until you’ve already been through the soul-sapping process of submitting to airport security.

Shuffling sock-footed through the metal detector, grasping at your unbelted trousers to keep them from falling down around your ankles, you still have to run the gauntlet of heaven-knows-where-those-hands-have-been rubber-gloved officers who might randomly pull you aside for a pat-down.

Spotted at London’s Luton Airport. If every there was a traveller begging for a strip search…

Every time this happens, I’m tempted to ask them to at least treat me to dinner and a movie first…but somehow, I doubt they would be amused. (more…)

Finding the Silver Lining When You Step in It…Literally

A Dirty Sole Can Be Good For The Soul

women's legs in pink tights wearing muddy wellies in mud

Well, this should be a fun story to illustrate. Hmmm…

Sometimes, you have to work just a little bit harder to look on the sunny side of life. (more…)

New Zealand’s Flag Apparently Will NOT be a Kiwi Shooting Lasers from its Eyes

When the government of New Zealand invited citizens to submit designs for a proposed new flag, they probably weren’t expecting a kiwi (the bird, that is) shooting lasers from its eyes—or a rainbow from its backside, for that matter.

"The laser beam projects a powerful image of New Zealand," Gray says of his design. "I believe it is so powerful it does not need to be discussed."

“The laser beam projects a powerful image of New Zealand,” Gray says of his design. “I believe it is so powerful it does not need to be discussed.”

But that’s what they got, and sooooo much more. Approximately 10,300 more wanna-be banners, to be exact(ish).

After months of unflagging (ahem) anticipation, the results are finally in. This week, Kiwis voted on their favourite design. But before “the big reveal,” let’s take a moment to see how the contest shaped up—and review the best of the bizarre designs. (Hang in there. I promise you, it’s worth it).

The initial task of whittling all those thousands of submissions down to a mere 40 fell to “The Panel,” as the official flag deciderers dubbed themselves—anticipating, perhaps, a “So You Think You Can Design a Flag” reality show judged by retired warrior princess Lucy Lawless and down-at-their-furry-heels ex-Hobbits.

Personally, this flag would've got my vote. But that's probably because I designed it--and also, I've just got back from the pub, so my judgement may be slightly impaired.

Personally, I would have voted for this flag. But that’s probably because I designed it–and also, I’ve just got back from the pub, so my judgement may be slightly impaired.

Given the enterprising “anything goes” spirit of this endeavor, I had hoped that the ultimate victor would be selected in a televised cage match, where the participants would not be scored on the merits of their designs, but by their Smaug-slaying skills (or, at the very least, their bikini mud wrestling abilities).

In fact, voters selected what they deemed the best option from a field of five in late 2015, and the winner of that referendum—a triumphant fern—was then pitted against the old flag in a final vote in March 2016.

The fern is nice and all, but can we all just agree that Xena and Gollum would've kicked some serious derriere?

The fern is nice and all, but can we all just agree that Xena and Gollum would’ve kicked some serious derriere?

And the winner is…the original New Zealand flag, first adopted in 1902.

Seriously, New Zealand, you chose this over the rainbow-farting kiwi?

Seriously, New Zealand, you chose this over the rainbow-farting kiwi?

That’s right. The whole business cost $27 million dollars, and absolutely nothing changed.

The competition wasn’t a total waste, however. At least the good people of New Zealand proved they have a winning sense of humour.

So, lest their efforts be forgotten, here are the most, er, “creative” designs, which, unfortunately, will not be waving proudly over New Zealand’s parliament building anytime soon. 

(more…)

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